what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
