Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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