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I hate your face
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
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