I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor