so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
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Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
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Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.