I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
