ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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