"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
