The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
