If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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