My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
