"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
