what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
i think im in europe. pls send help
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
