So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
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Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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