i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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