Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
