I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
