it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
