We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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