I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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