Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
