i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
