I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My liver just had a heart attack.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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