He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
