dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
