drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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