just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
