god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
