you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
