I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
