totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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