What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
