his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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