I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
