peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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