i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
