I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
