the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
and i looked up. we had an audience...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
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How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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