He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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