A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
