i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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