So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
