i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
