you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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