drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
