So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Naked. naked and bneed help.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
