Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
