Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
