I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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