I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
