hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
