The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
