can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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