Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
