My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize