my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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