Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
