ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
