Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
