I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
