You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
