Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
