What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
