the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
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