I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
