He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
