I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
