id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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