I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
