Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
