He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
