One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
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today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
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I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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