Rock
Scissors
Fuck
this beer tastes like vomit already
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
