i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
