just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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