i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Randomize
