my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
