He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
